Just Be Honest

I can confidently say that the 2004 election was a huge blow to honesty in America. Once the phrase "flip flopper" was effectively applied to John Kerry it signaled one thing about the base of both Democrats and Republicans...... changing your mind is risky. But admitting you changed your mind is political suicide. A subtle declaration was made that anyone who dared revise their stance on an issue was not analytical but instead indecisive and weak, and therefore unelectable. So now more than ever, politicians are afraid to speak their mind.

It sickens me to have to pick from 2 predictable extremes every four years. I want a Democrat with the guts to admit that gun laws don't stop criminals. I want a Republican who'll admit that the bible is a fairy tale.

I want someone who isn't afraid to say that true freedom is not possible unless we have the right to do stupid things. Thats why Im calling on President Obama to go back to smoking cigarettes. Call a press conference, pull out a Camel, and puff away. Tell us how stressful your job is and how smoking helps you cope. Im sure America will understand

Movie Monday

In 2006 astronomers declared that Pluto was no longer considered a planet.

A few weeks ago Pluto Nash was named worst movie flop of the decade...

http://www.worstpreviews.com/headline.php?id=15940&count=0

Lets be like astronomers and just strip it of its "movie" classification. Then we can blow it up with the Death star along with all the worlds worst movies.

A recent film that needs to explode is Paranormal Activity.

- 90 mins of Ghost Hunters does not constitute a movie. Especially if 84 of those 90 mins are more IN-active than a coma stricken quadrapolegic. "But she stood by the bed and watched him sleep for hours!!!" People, its not hard to speed up 10 mins of film, put a fake time stamp on it, and make it look like someone is the worlds most dedicated peeping tom. Not every movie effect is a giant tidal wave that destroys the world. If you thought this was real then its time to reevaluate your life.

However, if youre looking for an underrated movie check out Mr. Brooks.

It reminds me a lot of Showtimes Dexter, which i quite enjoy. Aside from Demi Moore thinking shes auditioning for GI JANE 2, and a Matrix-esque shoot out scene, i was pleasantly surprised. Somehow, this movie survives despite Dane Cook playing a fairly significant role (his acting is slightly more tolerable than his stand up) Kevin Kostner is fantastic as a conflicted family man and killer. Its clear that his career could have really benefited from playing the bad guy more often. But the scene stealer is William Hurt as Kostners twisted inner monolouge that really gives us a peek into the mind of a sociopath. Put it on your Netflix, you wont be disappointed.

Today is BLACK FRIDAY

We The People are going crazy for sales.  No doubt we could use a break in todays tough economic times, but people are risking their lives now.  A year ago today a man was trampled to death by a stampede of idiots at a Wal-Mart. 

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2008448574_shop290.html   

We're like a rejected George Ramero script.

Good news though.  I have a solution.  We convince the Pamplonian's of Spain to combine their Running of the Bulls with our Black Friday.   This avoids adding more unfortunate death or injury to the world than there already is, while sustaining our rabid desire to save a couple bucks. 

We hire those sprinting Spaniards to do our shopping for us while they run from a giant beast that wants to al-GORE-vidal them in the ass.  

It could be set up like a raffle.  $1 buys you a ticket which entitles you to one sprinting/shopping Spaniard.  Once you meet your Spaniard you tell them that you have your eyes on a $36 Blu-Ray player thats "really nice".  As extra incentive tell him that he can also grab a few things for himself.

Vegas will of course place odds and take bets similar to a horse race.  

"$50 parlay on Javier Bardem to show please"