Hoarders - Cutting Room Floor

Hi  Im a home schooled hoarding specialist.  I travel around with A&E and counsel people who cant get rid of stuff like oven mitts, mop handles, chicken bones, kids pools, vomit, and firearms.





Heres are my notes from this week.........

DOUG

Doug should consider giving Radio just a pinch of coke?  it might help even him out.

check for proof of adoption ASAP

this kid is throwing chairs like Sigourney Weaver in Aliens

the man appears to be hoarding "whites only" Barbies

look for an explanation as to why someone would need a 12 foot ladder inside their house.  no need for an explanation on the second ladder because there's no way it exists.  only a complete asshole would keep two 12 foot ladders inside their house.

the walls appear to be decorated like a used football helmet.  this could be stressful for Radio as it reminds him of high school

this might go smoother if Doug would admit that he and Clarence Gilyard Jr have someone spawned two children

i've uncovered Black Barbies.  this guy's like a filthy Harriet Tubman.

Doug is a 9 out of 10 on the anxiety scale

i'm a 9 out of 10 on the wanting to kill myself scale

i cant believe my coworkers wear ties to these things.  i wouldn't be able to keep them clean.

remember to get patent for 1-800-GOT-DRNK......  people can call in and tell stories about how they got drunk and did something uninteresting.

what if the Barbies are real people and we're all giants.  we'd be committing genocide.

i hope thats not the case



JUNE

the father makes me realize that Bill Hader could play anyone and be funny.  he should be on a stamp.

working with Tonya Harding.  she's an amazing hoarding specialist.  id like to milk her triple sow cow.

this woman's child is going to grow up and have an empty house with fold up beds, a vacuum robot, and a 10 foot diameter garbage disposal.

remind June of the old saying "home is where the heart is" if home is a camper and you love magazines.

June could get a small business license and become a thrift store for homeless people