Bum Fights?

A bum tried to fight me a few days ago.

It was about 3pm and I was walking down the middle of the street because the sidewalks were still covered with snow. Out of the corner of my eye i saw a man sitting on the steps of a church. As i turned my head to look at him he stood up and yelled, "HEY, YOU WANT A BLOODY NOSE?".

Now i should point out that for a multitude of reasons i was not in a very good mood, but I let it slide. It was cold outside and i wanted to get home. So i just kept walking. But then he yelled at me again. "HEY BOY, I OUGHTA PUNCH YOU RIGHT IN YOUR FUCKIN FOREHEAD".

So i stopped and turned around to see him struggling to walk towards me. He was obviously drunk and I instantly realized that i could beat him to a pulp, leave him lying in the middle of street, and never think of it again. There was nobody around to witness it, let alone call the cops. But i kept walking.

I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Why didn't I teach him a lesson? I think it was because, even though i didn't know it at the time, he really wanted me to punch him. Denying him that felt pretty good. Almost as good as punching him in his beard would have.

Bums are interesting. A few months ago I saw one wearing a t-shirt that said "My President is Black". I didn't even really notice it much at the time. It hit me later that if I'd seen him wearing that shirt 5 yrs ago, I would have thought he was the craziest bum in the world.

"Sure, a black president, thats very cute. Heres a dollar, now run along". But what if he's had that shirt forever and no one acknowledged his Nostradamus like prophecies?

If you see a bum pushing a shopping cart with a sign that says MY OTHER CART IS A MILLENIUM FALCON....... you better get ready for the gift of light speed! Its only a few years away.

All of this makes me think that every homeless person should have a bluetooth device at all times. Think about it. They can talk to themselves all they want. From a distance they'll just look like tech savvy mountain men. If anybody gives them shit they can just tell them

"Im on a conference call with Satan and The Grim reaper. Would you like me to put them on hold?"